Desi Babu English Mem

A desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty foreign girl, whom he wanted. But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her.

HE WROTE :

Most worthy of your estimation
after a long consideration
and much mediation.
I have a strong indication
to become your relation.
As to my educational qualification,
it is no exaggeration or fabrication
that I have passed my matriculation examination;
no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation.
What do you say to the solemnization
of our marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilization
and with a view to the expansion of the population of present generation.

On your approbation of the application,
I shall make preparation to improve my situation,
and if such obligation is worthy of consideration
it will be our argumentation of the joy and
exaltation of our joint dissimilation.

Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion,

To remain victim of your fascination.

SHE WROTE :

Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,

Congratulation for your lengthy narration
of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation
for a combination which on examination
I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.

You have passed your matriculation with little preparation,
what about my graduation after a long botheration,
so improve situation in education
and make an application by acquisition
of post graduation and minimum qualification
for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification.
Further strict observation of the following conditions is the
regulation for the determination of our relation.

1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.

2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim of any fascination and,

3. Procreation must not be your recreation.

In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of paper conversation.

I Remain,

Unaffected by your affection.!!!!

Amazing

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to
beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the
rule of thumb"

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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled
"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered
into the English language.

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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred
and Wilma Flintstone.

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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.

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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

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Coca-Cola was originally green.

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It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:

Alaska

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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400

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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour:

61,000

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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John
Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace

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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?

A. Obsession

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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until
you would find the letter "A"?

A. One thousand

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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.

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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey

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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed
firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase........ "goodnight, sleep tight."

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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4, 000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their
calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which
we know today as the honeymoon.

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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England
, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your
pints and quarts, and settle down."

It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the
rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they
used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase
inspired by this practice.

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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

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-

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you
can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a
wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed
it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 200 7 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have
the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this list.

In Office - actual meaning

The Corporate language !!


"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"


"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"


"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"


"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".


"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"


"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"


"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"


"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"


"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"


"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."


"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"


"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"


"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

Simple yet Complex

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Those Doordarshan days!

I don’t know how but the other day suddenly those days came to my mind when only one TV channel existed in India-Doordarshan! Not like the present day when scores of channels are available on a press of a tiny button.

I remember when a huge TV transmission tower in my home-town started beaming first ever signals of the only channel called "Doodarshan", there was only one small black and white TV (months later a coloured screen-half red and half green was put to give an impression of colour TV!) in the Govt colony we use to live. Luckily the proud owner happened to be my friend’s father! Needless to say I use to spend full time watching whatever was shown (even the ones related to agricultural seeds and manure!). Full time here does not mean 24 hrs. There were only morning and evening sessions of three hrs each!

Big crowd used to gather as if it was a cinema hall. The crowd was huge and unmanageable in the small room (many use to b e far away near the entrance, I wonder what they will be able to see!) particularly on the day when it was time for CHITRAHAR, weekly Hindi movie (like Jai Santoshi Maa) on Sunday evenings (saw many old ladies praying in front of TV screen!) etc.

By the time my 2-3 friends' father also purchased TV and the crowd got distributed! Request to my father to purchase one fell in deaf ears as he had apprehension that my studies will be effected. On my insisting that all my friends have TV, which puts me in quite an embarrassing situation, he laughed and said, “ok, v’ll get only an antenna installed on terrace, so that ur friends will think u have TV”! (In those days a big antenna, set in a particular direction, comprising of 2-3 straight and one U-shaped bar was required to receive signals. Many times watching TV was at the mercy of crows and other birds which use to sit and rotate or tilt the antenna thus resulting in "no signal". Antenna then has to be reset in right direction with lot of trial and error to get signal). Finally we purchased TV after almost everybody else in the colony had one!

FOLLOWING ADDED AFTER THE ABOVE LINES WERE PUBLISHED

Also remember people watching those colourful vertical lines patiently waiting for programmes to start. And who will forget that irritating caption “rukawat ke liye khed hai" (meaning “sorry for inconvenience caused”). This happened too often and lasted several minutes, even more than half-an hour at times; but people use to stare at screen wondering that only God knows when signal will be back!

Closer to Shave

In reply to a post on :-

http://www.satadru.in/2008/03/shaving-implements.html

A very interesting read indeed!

While reading the post, everything passed in front of my eyes - right from my first shave to till date...! Talks with my friends from time to time on the topic revealed that each has a different version to say!

Coincidently, many of our preferences match! My first shave was possibly in the 12th std when I used my father’s razor (a Gillette product which was send from a friend in Australia) when he was not home! Needless to say that I was caught the next morning! My father simply said, “U used my razor, right?” There was no use telling a lie as my father already knew the fact. Seeing that he is not angry, I gathered courage to mutter, “Yes, but how u came to know?” He smiled and said, “The number is changed. (The thing is, in that razor, there was a numbering system on the handle rim. This number can be adjusted depending on the newness of blade, type of skin etc. I choose the minimum number, not even knowing wht it meant!)

Then he said laughing, “I think now it’s time to get one for u too!” Well, that day we searched all the shops and he presented me the same one, though it was quite costly. Later he explained me all fundas about the numbering system.

That razor lasted for several years. Then I switched to Gillette Mach 3 based on recommendations of my colleagues.

As for cream, I prefer one by EMAMI (as my father still does), but is not always readily available. In that case I try other ones also, new one every time! In particular, I liked the Gillette Gel which gives large amount of lather even with tiny amount of gel. But next I’ll try the dettol one as it is strongly suggested by you and I’ve not got a chance to use it.

As for Aftershave, the DENIM one given by my friends on my birthday is still balance. Will pick the one from ur list when it is finished!

Think before u act

Some things are not what they seem…

The train has started moving. It is packed with people of all ages, mostly with the workingmen and women and young college guys and gals. Near the window, seated a old man with his 30-year-old son. As the train moves by, the son is overwhelmed with joy as he was thrilled with the scenery outside..

" See dad, the scenery of green trees moving away is very beautiful"

This behavior from a thirty-year-old made the other people feels strange about him. Every one started murmuring something or other about this guy. "This guy seems to be insane," whispered a guy to his wife.

Suddenly it started raining... Raindrops fell on the travelers through the opened window. The Thirty year old man, filled with joy shrieked " see dad, how beautiful the rain is.."

A lady passenger got irritated with the raindrops spoiling her new dress.

The annoyed young passenger addressed the old man and said," cant you see its raining, mister? If your son is not feeling well get him admitted to a mental asylum and don’t disturb public henceforth".

The old man hesitated first and then in a low tone replied "We are on the way back from hospital, my son got discharged today morning, he was blind by birth, last week only he got his vision, these rain and nature are new to his eyes.. Please forgive us for the inconvenience caused..."

The things we see may be right from our perspective until we know the truth. But when we know the truth our reaction to that will hurt even us.

So try to understand the problem better before taking a harsh action.

Who is good?

Often we hear ppl saying, “He or she is not like me. He or she shd do as I do.” In the context of workplace, it relates to, say, way of working.

Now, this is the point which starts problems. Everyone thinks that he is right and the others should work exactly as he does. But this is impossible as each individual is different. One employee can be good at one thing and the other may be at other. We can’t expect everyone to be equally good.

Like, everyone can’t be rich. If all r rich than then who will be called poor? The persons towards the bottom of the list! It is a relative term. Same applies to the efficiency of ppl.

remix songs

Every time I hear a remix of a golden oldie, I am disappointed. What r ppl doing to those beautiful creations, those master pieces? If they have talent, they should create their own piece of art. It is not that new songs r not at all good. Many of them r very melodious (have little life period though. Most of the old hindi songs r still so pleasing to ears even after 40-50 years. Can any any onf the song today be heard even after 40-50 days? Leave “years”. No one will know them for next 40-50 years)

Hell breaks out if the video of such remixes r made. There v see girls (face never seen before n probably never in future) in minimum possible clothes, making strange sounds and moves- nothing to do with the song.

Some may say I am biased, but that is what I feel.

A Successful Relationship

A boy was born to a couple after 11 years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eye.

When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and fascinated by its color, drank it all.

It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died.

The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.

QUESTIONS:
1. What were the four words?
2. What is the implication of this story?

ANSWER:
The husband just said, "I Love You Darling."
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother.. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.
No one is to be blamed. She had lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband.. That is what he gave her.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world.
Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiving attitude, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.


"A successful relationship requires falling in love many times - with the same person."

Divide n Rule?

Political leaders r dividing the country on the basis of caste/religion. How different r they then different from the britishers who ruled on the basis of “divide n rule policy”? The recent demand of a political leader in mumbai is ridiculous; which resulted in series of attacks on the ppl who are frm other parts of india. Just imagin if this happens in all the states.

The law enforcing agencies were helpless to arrest the leaders who instigated all this. On the contrary they were provided more security…wht to say…

A great note for all to read

It will take few minute's to read this and change your thinking.
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room ' s only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.
Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind ' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days, weeks and months passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can ' t buy.
'Today is a gift, that is why it is called The Present .'

China ki Dadagiri

I was baffled by the discussion on TIMES NOW y’day night- high profile discussion between Dr.Natwar singh, Maruf Raza et al.

China says why Dr. Manmohan Singh visited Arunachal Pradesh.

What is this? Can’t our PM go to any of our states? Has he to take permission of china every time…RIDICULOUS. I wonder why India is not replying to China. Only thing we have to say (as appeared in TOI today) is that “Arunachal is part of India”. What is this? Y we have to tell this to anyone. I think, we should very very strongly tell China to stop interfering in our internal matters; particularly regarding Sikkim and other North-East states.

No returns

Many times in Life it happens, at several points in Life all readers must have experienced it, that the person u had selflessly helped was not there at the time u needed help! The term "not there" includes the help denied...!

I sometimes, infact often, think that even if help someone going out of ur way, in every possible manner they don't reciprocate. They memory of ppl now-a-days has higher half-life it seems!

Readers, at that point of time, don't we regret y v had helped that person in past? Well...what can b done? Life is like that...

TZP

“Taare Zameen Par (TZP) – every child is special”; title itself says it all. Must see for all parents-especially who think that the parenting is a child’s play or think that a child should be same as they are…remembering a couplet from a Jagjit Singh’s ghazal:-

Doo aur doo ka jood hamesha char kahan hota hai,

Soch samajh walon ko, thodi nadani de maula.

(let me try to translate it- “TWO AND TWO NOT ALWAYS ADD TO FOUR, OH GOD! PLEASE GIVE SOME INNOCENCE TO (SO-CALLED) INTELLIGENT PEOPLE” - sorry, but that’s the best I can translate!)

The movie is good. Also wondering how Aamir does only one movie in a year and always manages to hit the jackpot (“Mangal Pandey” being the exception in recent times)

The song “TUJHE SAB HAI PAATA, HAI NA MA…”, when Ishan is being left at Hostel is very heart touching…..

Interesting Q & A

Question 1: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:


An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Question 2: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"

Question 3: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up found that you were pregnant.

Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked

Question 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)

Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"

Question 5: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"? People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka etc...

But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura. In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar.

So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!

Question 6: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."

Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table. Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table, then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.....

And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ........


This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....

Love - Lust - Marriage

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST- when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania. There really is one.

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot?
MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - When . . . uh . . . what's a climax?

LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to ***** about work.

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is cheques.

LOVE - When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all-round.
MARRIAGE - When you're only concern is what's on T.V.

LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through the day is your only thought.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

LOVE - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
LUST - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
MARRIAGE - When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

LOVE - You only leave the house to buy coffee and dough nuts.
LUST - You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.
MARRIAGE - You only leave the house when you're allowed.

Cricket-New Rules

(1) Ricky Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED ) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE .

(2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be sought from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.

(3) While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

(4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.

(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACIALISM only.

(6) MATCH REFEREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFEREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.

(7) NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.

(8) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE : If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - "THE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET" more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.

These rules will clarify better to the all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA .

Modi-Saudagar ya Jadogar?

Modi magic worked for the third time. Hope it is good answer to whoever called him "Maut ka Saudagar". His first SMS was the perfect description "I am CM and always be the CM. For me CM means Common Man"

It was a very touching sight when he spoke to his supports y'day. He said "I won b'cause of u all. This victory belongs to u all". On the issue that Modi is now bigger than the party, his reply was very emotional. He said,"Those who say I have become bigger than the party, does not know about the history of the party."

At this point he got so emotional that for few seconds he was not able to speak. He controlled himself and then said,"Can ever a child become bigger than his Mother?." It said it all.....

Doubts..

I've some doubts.. Can u please clarify me..

1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)

2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)

3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)

4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)

5. Why do people say, "you've been working like adog" when dogs just sitaround all day? (I think they meant something else)

6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)

7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)

8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes)

9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stayand watch)

10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)

11. What should one call a male ladybird? (Nocomments)

12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they rememberthat they forgot? (can somebody help )

13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)

15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)

16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

17. Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice)

18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars?