By all Means... MARRY!
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What
does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the
second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once...
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Here are some colours of the rainbow called LIFE- some dark, some light.....hope readers will enjoy all of them!
September 21, 2007
Quotes on Marriage
Amazing Facts
1. Look at your zipper. See the initials YKK? It stands for Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha, the world's largest zipper manufacturer.
2. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
3. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
4. 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
5. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
6. On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
7. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
8. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
9. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.
10. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
13. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
14. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
15. The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
16. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
17. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
18. Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
19. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
20. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
22. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
23. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
24. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
25. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.
26. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, ***** your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
27. A mathematical wonder: 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 gives the result 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321.
28. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
29. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
30. The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
31. The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
32. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
33. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
34. "Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
35. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
36. In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
37. A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
39. We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
40. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines .
41. Coca-Cola can be used as car oil.
42. Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
43. Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
44. Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
45. When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka .
46. There are mo re chickens than people in the world.
47. It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.
48. The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
49. The only word in the English Language with all vowels in reverse order is"subcontinental".
50. There are more telephones than people in Washington , D.C.
1 Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint
Mona Lisa's lips.
2 Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you
could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
3 The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
4 By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in
quicksand.
5 Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the
mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
6 Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a
toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
7 The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
8 Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike
factory workers in Malaysia combined.
9 Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
10 Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked
out of it by her doctor.
# The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
# To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, ***** your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
# The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
# The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
# The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
# Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
# The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
# Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
# It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
# In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
# A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
# We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
# Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines.
# Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
# Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
# Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
# When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka.
# There are more chickens than people in the world.
# It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.
# The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
# There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.
# The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.
# The average person presses the snooze button on their alarm clock three times each morning.
# The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations.
# The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette Company died of lung cancer.
1. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
2. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
3. Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our noses and ears never stop growing.
4. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
5. A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.
6. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
7. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.
8. When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less.
9. Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned his wife or mother because they were both deaf.
10. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After Weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.
11. ”I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
12. Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
13. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
14. "Bookkeeper" is the only word in English language with three consecutive double letters.
15. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
16. The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every Letter in the English language.
17. If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
18. China has more English speakers than the United States.
19. Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.
20. Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels.
21. An average person uses the bathroom 6 times per day.
22. Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies.
23. Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his lifetime.
24. According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.
25. The longest place name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangiha ngaoauauotameteaturi-Pukakpikimaungahoro nukupokaiwhenuak itanatahu - a New Zealand hill.
If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am, you will arrive in Honolulu at approximately 4:30pm the previous day.
2. Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a microwave in the building.
3. Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.
4. More than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a French kiss.
5. Men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better.
6. Coca-Cola was originally green.
7. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
8. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.
9. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
10. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
11. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
12. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
13. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
14. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
15. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
16. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
17. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
18. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history - Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
19. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321.
20. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
21. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? Ans. – Honey.
22. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
23. A snail can sleep for three years.
24. All polar bears are left handed.
25. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
The Statue of Liberty's index finger is eight feet long
Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile
A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.
A Boeing 747's wing span is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.(the Wright brother's invented the airplane)
There are as many chickens on earth as there are humans.
One type of hummingbird weighs less than a penny
The word "set " has the most number of definitions in the English language;192
Slugs have four noses
Sharks can live up to 100 years
Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.
Kangaroos can't walk backwards
About 75 acres of pizza are eaten in in the U.S. Everyday
The largest recorded snowflake was 15in wide and 8in thick. It fell in Montana in 1887
The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that the sound it makes is actually a tiny sonic boom.
Former president Bill Clinton only sent 2 emails in his entire 8 year presidency
Koalas and humans are the only animals that have finger prints
There are 200,000,000 insects for every one human
It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery had in it to begin with.
The world's largest Montessori school is in India, with 26,312 students in 2002
Octopus have three hearts
If you ate too many carrots, you'd turn orange
The average person spends two weeks waiting for a traffic light to change.
1 in 2,000,000,000 people will live to be 116 or old
The body has 2-3 million sweat glands
Sperm whales have the biggest brains; 20 lbs
Tiger shark embroyos fight each other in their mother's womb. The survivor is born.
Most cats are left pawed
250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa
A Blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant
You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!
Bamboo can grow up to 3 ft in 24 hours
An eyeball weighs about 1 ounce
Bone is five times stronger than steel.
2. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
3. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
4. 40 percent of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
5. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
6. On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
7. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
8. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
9. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as a medicine.
10. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
13. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
14. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
15. The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
16. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
17. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
18. Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
19. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
20. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
21. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
22. Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
23. Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
24. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
25. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.
26. To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, ***** your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
27. A mathematical wonder: 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 gives the result 12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321.
28. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
29. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
30. The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
31. The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
32. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
33. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
34. "Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
35. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
36. In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
37. A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
39. We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
40. Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines .
41. Coca-Cola can be used as car oil.
42. Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
43. Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
44. Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
45. When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka .
46. There are mo re chickens than people in the world.
47. It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.
48. The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
49. The only word in the English Language with all vowels in reverse order is"subcontinental".
50. There are more telephones than people in Washington , D.C.
1 Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint
Mona Lisa's lips.
2 Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to slow a film down so you
could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
3 The original name for the butterfly was "flutterby"!
4 By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in
quicksand.
5 Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the
mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
6 Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a
toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
7 The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
8 Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than the entire Nike
factory workers in Malaysia combined.
9 Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
10 Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked
out of it by her doctor.
# The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
# To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, ***** your fingers into its eyeballs. It will let you go instantly.
# The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
# The "pound" (#) key on your keyboard is called an octothorp.
# The only domestic animal not mentioned in the Bible is the cat.
# Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
# The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
# Dreamt" is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt".
# It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
# In Chinese, the KFC slogan "finger lickin' good" comes out as "eat your fingers off".
# A cockroach can live for 10 days without a head.
# We shed 40 pounds of skin a lifetime.
# Yo-Yos were once used as weapons in the Philippines.
# Mexico City sinks abut 10 inches a year.
# Brains are more active sleeping than watching TV.
# Blue is the favorite color of 80 percent of Americans.
# When a person shakes their head from side to side, he is saying "yes" in Sri Lanka.
# There are more chickens than people in the world.
# It's against the law in Iceland to have a dog.
# The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.
# There are more telephones than people in Washington, D.C.
# The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.
# The average person presses the snooze button on their alarm clock three times each morning.
# The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the combined wealth of the forty-eight poorest nations.
# The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette Company died of lung cancer.
1. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
2. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
3. Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our noses and ears never stop growing.
4. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.
5. A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.
6. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
7. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.
8. When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less.
9. Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned his wife or mother because they were both deaf.
10. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After Weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.
11. ”I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
12. Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
13. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
14. "Bookkeeper" is the only word in English language with three consecutive double letters.
15. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
16. The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every Letter in the English language.
17. If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
18. China has more English speakers than the United States.
19. Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.
20. Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels.
21. An average person uses the bathroom 6 times per day.
22. Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies.
23. Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his lifetime.
24. According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.
25. The longest place name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangiha ngaoauauotameteaturi-Pukakpikimaungahoro nukupokaiwhenuak itanatahu - a New Zealand hill.
If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am, you will arrive in Honolulu at approximately 4:30pm the previous day.
2. Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a microwave in the building.
3. Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.
4. More than 40,000 parasites and 250 types of bacteria are exchanged during a French kiss.
5. Men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better.
6. Coca-Cola was originally green.
7. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
8. The name of all the continents ends with the same letter that they start with.
9. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
10. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
11. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
12. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
13. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
14. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.
15. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
16. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
17. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
18. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history - Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
19. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321.
20. If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
21. Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this? Ans. – Honey.
22. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
23. A snail can sleep for three years.
24. All polar bears are left handed.
25. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
The Statue of Liberty's index finger is eight feet long
Rain has never been recorded in some parts of the Atacama Desert in Chile
A 75 year old person will have slept about 23 years.
A Boeing 747's wing span is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.(the Wright brother's invented the airplane)
There are as many chickens on earth as there are humans.
One type of hummingbird weighs less than a penny
The word "set " has the most number of definitions in the English language;192
Slugs have four noses
Sharks can live up to 100 years
Mosquitos are more attracted to the color blue than any other color.
Kangaroos can't walk backwards
About 75 acres of pizza are eaten in in the U.S. Everyday
The largest recorded snowflake was 15in wide and 8in thick. It fell in Montana in 1887
The tip of a bullwhip moves so fast that the sound it makes is actually a tiny sonic boom.
Former president Bill Clinton only sent 2 emails in his entire 8 year presidency
Koalas and humans are the only animals that have finger prints
There are 200,000,000 insects for every one human
It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery had in it to begin with.
The world's largest Montessori school is in India, with 26,312 students in 2002
Octopus have three hearts
If you ate too many carrots, you'd turn orange
The average person spends two weeks waiting for a traffic light to change.
1 in 2,000,000,000 people will live to be 116 or old
The body has 2-3 million sweat glands
Sperm whales have the biggest brains; 20 lbs
Tiger shark embroyos fight each other in their mother's womb. The survivor is born.
Most cats are left pawed
250 people have fallen off the Leaning Tower of Pisa
A Blue whale's tongue weighs more than an elephant
You use 14 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. Keep Smiling!
Bamboo can grow up to 3 ft in 24 hours
An eyeball weighs about 1 ounce
Bone is five times stronger than steel.
September 20, 2007
Jokes
Keep on scrolling and enjoy!
.......01.........
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Santa Singh an Indian (Punjabi) guy.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Santa says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Santa turns to the other candidate and says 'Hor Phaphe ki haal chaal?.' The other candidate answers ' O Vadiya veere, tu Sunna'
Titanic was sinking.
An Englishman asked Santa, " How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards !
**********
Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.
**********
How did Santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
*********
Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too .
*********
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****. Santa: U r wrong. It's 1394.
*********
Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: " I luv u sister ."
*********
Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
*********
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl .
*********
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
*********
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .
**********
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
***********
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
***********
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.
************
Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
************
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
************
Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
************
Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home . The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming , earlier I sat on the back seat.
************
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for beer hunting..
They were quite successful in their hunting and got 6 big beers..
The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up.
They started loading their lagguage into the plane, including the six beers.
But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your beers, you will have to leave two behind."
They argued with him, the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard.
The plane was the same model and capacity. The pilot finally
permitted them to put all six aboard.
But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the trees.
Climbing out of the helicopter, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"I think so," replied the other hunter.
I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"
---------------
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
.......01.........
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Santa Singh an Indian (Punjabi) guy.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Santa says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Santa says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.' Calmly, Santa turns to the other candidate and says 'Hor Phaphe ki haal chaal?.' The other candidate answers ' O Vadiya veere, tu Sunna'
Titanic was sinking.
An Englishman asked Santa, " How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards !
**********
Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.
**********
How did Santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
*********
Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too .
*********
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It's ****. Santa: U r wrong. It's 1394.
*********
Santa falls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: " I luv u sister ."
*********
Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
*********
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl .
*********
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
*********
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .
**********
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
***********
Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
***********
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.
************
Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
************
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
************
Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
************
Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home . The steering, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming , earlier I sat on the back seat.
************
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for beer hunting..
They were quite successful in their hunting and got 6 big beers..
The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up.
They started loading their lagguage into the plane, including the six beers.
But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your beers, you will have to leave two behind."
They argued with him, the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard.
The plane was the same model and capacity. The pilot finally
permitted them to put all six aboard.
But when they attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the trees.
Climbing out of the helicopter, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"
"I think so," replied the other hunter.
I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"
---------------
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
September 14, 2007
Stort Stories
Collection of short stories i got from here n there!
-------01. Pause and ponder-------
A man came out of his home to admire his new truck.
we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.
---------------------02. Flaw------------------------
---------------------03. REAP------------------------
A successful businessman was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.
"It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO," he said. "I have decided to choose one of you."
The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today - a very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."
One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.
Every day, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.
Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by - still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - he so wanted the seed to
Grow.
A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened.
Jim felt sick at his stomach. It was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right.
He took his empty pot to the boardroom. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful--in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed. A few felt sorry for him!
When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back.
"My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO.
"Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"
All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the financial director to bring him to the front.
Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"
When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed.
Jim told him the story.
The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Here is your next Chief Executive! His name is Jim!"
Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new CEO the others said?
Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed.
I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back
to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.
All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers.
"When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive! "
Moral:
If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
-------01. Pause and ponder-------
A man came out of his home to admire his new truck.
To
his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into
the shiny paint.
The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands
into a pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son
to the hospital.
Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally
had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands.
When
the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently
said, "Daddy, I'm
sorry about your truck ."
Then he asked, "but
when are my fingers going to grow back?
"
The father went home and committed suicide.
Think about the story the next time you see someone spill milk at a dinner
table or hear a baby crying. Think first before you lose your patience
with someone u love.
Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance.
we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.
---------------------02. Flaw------------------------
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream.
"I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to
leak out all the way back to your house."
The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"
"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."
"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty
to grace the house."
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them---------------------03. REAP------------------------
A successful businessman was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.
"It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO," he said. "I have decided to choose one of you."
The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today - a very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."
One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.
Every day, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.
Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by - still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however. He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - he so wanted the seed to
Grow.
A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened.
Jim felt sick at his stomach. It was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right.
He took his empty pot to the boardroom. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful--in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed. A few felt sorry for him!
When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back.
"My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO.
"Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"
All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the financial director to bring him to the front.
Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"
When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed.
Jim told him the story.
The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Here is your next Chief Executive! His name is Jim!"
Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new CEO the others said?
Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed.
I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back
to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.
All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers.
"When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive! "
Moral:
If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
Collection-Philosophical
These r Philosophical collection i received from various sources; mainly thro e-mail
..................01................
..................01................
NEVER CRY FOR ANY RELATION IN LIFE
BECAUSE FOR THE ONE WHOM YOU CRY
DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS
AND THE ONE WHO DESERVES
WILL NEVER LET YOU CRY.................
TREAT EVERYONE WITH POLITENESS
EVEN THOSE WHO ARE RUDE TO YOU,
NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT NICE
BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE.......................
NEVER SEARCH YOUR HAPPINESS
IN OTHERS
WHICH WILL MAKE YOU
FEEL ALONE,
RATHER SEARCH IT IN YOURSELF
YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY
EVEN IF YOU ARE LEFT ALONE......................
ALWAYS HAVE
A POSITIVE ATTITUDE IN LIFE.
THERE IS SOMETHING POSITIVE
IN EVERY PERSON.
EVEN A STOPPED WATCH IS RIGHT
TWICE A DAY...................................
HAPPINESS ALWAYS LOOKS SMALL
WHEN WE HOLD IT IN OUR HANDS.
BUT WHEN WE LEARN TO
SHARE IT,
WE REALIZE HOW BIG AND PRECIOUS IT IS!...............
Life is like that
Each Individual's life is different. I "disagree" partly. Doesn't one come across amazing similarities with others life? At several point of times one find "this-happened-with-me-also"!
01. Many times it happens in life that when u need something most u cant use it :-(
02. Many times v don't get returns from life in proportion to what v invested in relations.
01. Many times it happens in life that when u need something most u cant use it :-(
02. Many times v don't get returns from life in proportion to what v invested in relations.
June 22, 2007
Things I’ve Learned
I’ve Learned
That if I don’t take care of myself,
I can’t take care of anyone else.
I’ve Learned
That whatever you need
In a hurry will be in someone else’s room
I’ve Learned
That reality is what is,
Not what I would like it to be.
I’ve Learned
That time flies
Whether I’m having fun or not.
I’ve Learned
To separate between
A minor event and a major episode.
I’ve Learned
That everyday I can make a difference
In someone’s life, and that I choose to make it a positive difference.
I’ve Learned
That I don’t celebrate the exquisiteness of each day,
I’ve lost something I’ll never get back.
I’ve Learned
That you don’t have to meet
All the objectives to learn a whole bunch.
I’ve Learned
That some things
Have to be believed to be seen
SALLY P. KARIOTH, Phd. R.N. (ADAPTED)
That if I don’t take care of myself,
I can’t take care of anyone else.
I’ve Learned
That whatever you need
In a hurry will be in someone else’s room
I’ve Learned
That reality is what is,
Not what I would like it to be.
I’ve Learned
That time flies
Whether I’m having fun or not.
I’ve Learned
To separate between
A minor event and a major episode.
I’ve Learned
That everyday I can make a difference
In someone’s life, and that I choose to make it a positive difference.
I’ve Learned
That I don’t celebrate the exquisiteness of each day,
I’ve lost something I’ll never get back.
I’ve Learned
That you don’t have to meet
All the objectives to learn a whole bunch.
I’ve Learned
That some things
Have to be believed to be seen
SALLY P. KARIOTH, Phd. R.N. (ADAPTED)
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